(This is a good example of my train of thought.)
From: http://www.saviodsilva.com/lists.htm
Really Bored?1. A king size water-bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. A ceiling Fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double pane) will not stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it is too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke. Lots of smoke.
9. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5 minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
22. It will however make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
Ways to be annoying:
* Tell your friends, four days prior to their party, that you can't attend because you're not in the mood.
* Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars, to see if they slow down.
* Practice making faxmodem noises.
* If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
* Drum on every available surface.
* Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
* Staple papers in the middle of the page.
* Ask 800 operators for dates.
* Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
* Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
* Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
* Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
* Set alarms for random times.
* Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
* Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
* Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
* Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
* Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
* Honk and wave to strangers.
* Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
* Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
* Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
* Wear your pants backwards.
* Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
* Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
* Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
* Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-Cyrillic-landscape mode.
* ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
* only type in lowercase.
* don't use any punctuation either
* Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
* Pay for your dinner with pennies.
* Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
* Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
* Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
* Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
* Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
* Light road flares on a birthday cake.
* Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
* Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
* Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
* Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
* At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
* When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
* Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
* As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
* Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
* Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
* Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?)
* Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
* Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
* Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
* Drive half a block.
* Name your dog "Dog".
* Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
* Ask people what gender they are.
* Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
* Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
* Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
* Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
* Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
* Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
* Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
* While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
* Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
* Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
* Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
* Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
* Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
* Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
* Wear a LOT of cologne.
* Ask to "interface" with someone.
* Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
* Sing along at the opera.
* Mow your lawn with scissors.
* At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
* Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
* Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
* Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
* Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
* Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't ricket."
* Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture".
* Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
* Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
* Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
* Never make eye contact.
* Never break eye contact.
* Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
* Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
* Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
* Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
* Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
* Make appointments for the 31st of September.
* Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
* Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.
* Call in sick, then show up.
No comments:
Post a Comment